Something You'll Never Claim

An old poem from my the end of my junior year of high school (aka about two years ago). I'm sharing it with you because it has a lot to do with a great deal of what I'm going through right now.

Something You'll Never Claim

These scars,
They belong to you,
From all the times where I felt as if I was dying,
And you were too busy placing blame to be there.

These scars,
It may even sound ridiculous that I own them,
But when blood is boiling and tears burn like acid,
Sometimes you need to rip skin in order to vent the steam.

These scars,
You get to walk away from them,
Pretend they never had anything to do with you in the first place,
But I,
I am forced to wear them for as long as I live.

Hallucinogen

Another one for the blonde...

Hallucinogen

I'm still hallucinating
so intensely
so that the sight of you is present everywhere
your image projected
in things
in people
I would have never expected
completely at random
My heart comes to a halt
at the mere thought
of our gaze locking
for those few solid moments
And if she were you
A part of me would have died
right then and there
soul lifting and sinking
brain doing backflips
colors
bursting right before my eyes
My very being plummeting to the floor
with a sudden Splat!
All compensation
for my shell of a body
frozen in place
immobile
knees begging to kiss the floor
but I can't possibly move
can barely breathe
mortified
As I spiral in and out of my subconscious
seasick
my mind retrieves memories of us on demand
mistakes I've made,
most probably,
with you
A process that takes no more than seconds
to behold me
calls for a string of lifetimes
to erase
And I am left here
abandoned
staring straight ahead
senses tingling with the absence of feeling
incompetent
assessing the damage after the storm
taken aback by this trip
A fall I hope to never again take
at the sight of you

O'Brien and Forgive, Forget & Then Remember

Okay, time for another poetry update. Unfortunately, I don't have anything new going on. Though I am sincerely working on it, I do not rush these sorts of things. In the meanwhile allow me to entertain you with some of my older stuff.

O'Brien -  November 18, 2008

You've got me,
I am your submissive
I am the toy of your emotions
You like me to fear,
I fear
I nearly shake in your presence
You want me to admire,
Oh, how I admire!
All I desire
is to light up your eyes
grasp your attention for a moment longer
and make you see
how truly devoted
I am to thee.


Forgive, Forget & Then Remember - sometime in December of 2007

Sometimes I forget why I love you
Sometimes I forget you exist
Don't fret, I'll never really forget you
Just the idea of having you around.
I remind myself of you everyday
I think about you to the point where you invade my dreams
But that's okay, you're always welcome there.
I remember the past
and imagine how we'll meet again in the future
How I'll run into your arms
Hold you tight and never let go
Just like the night you left.
I dream up the best
But secretly prepare for the worst
Afraid you don't love me
Afraid you forgot so soon
I yell, "Who needs you anyway?!"
But deep down I know I do
So I patiently wait for your reaction
And when I finally receive a response
I remember all over again
Just why
I love you

Age

This one was especially difficult to write.

Age

They say age is just a number

And a title is no more than the responsibility it entails,

So how could it possibly matter,

That she has two children fast asleep on the couch

And a husband

who likes to put his feet up on the coffee table after a long day of work

When it is she who wears the pants in the family

Not to mention the skirt, too.

She lets down her hair

Allowing it to sweep against her upper back

and it’s a magical sight to say the least

She goes to speak

and leaves me breathless in the process

unaware that she can placate the raging waters of my mind

with just a single word

Her smell is enticing

and I cant help but crave haven

between the lengths of her arms

Upon this laughter we share

She physically lifts my spirit up out of its body

and into the warmth of the bright blue skies

For a mother,

a wife,

is but first a woman,

deserving of love, and lust,

respect and sheer admiration

no matter the cost

no matter the source

and years might as well be

the number of freckles

kissed up onto her by the sun

or a sum of facts and useless know-how

amounting to zero knowledge

about the true meaning of our world

instead of a rusty old number

that we refer to as age.

Silent Smiles

another fresh one!

Silent Smiles

We speak the language of silent smiles.

Tongues tucked away behind teeth,

Lips stretched to the far corners of our faces,

We suppress words altogether,

Refusing to allow even a single thought escape from the confines of our minds.

Like such,

We converse through expressions of glistening eyes.

Like invisible laser beams,

Your icy baby blues

meet my glossy emerald greens

in a battle to take place in crowded rooms or empty hallways

Acknowledging the things we strive to deny

Those feelings,

Those actions,

What the other may or may not know

What we did our very best to hide

Because opening mouths

leads to opening doors

leads to opening more

of me

of you

of sides we never sold

of stories we never told

of love we never shared

of deeds we never dared

of dreams we never dreamed

of things we never seemed

to be certain of.

The ice begins to melt off the basketball court

And the scent of the air is slowly becoming more consistent

With that of the day we spent together

Forming the bond that shall ultimately suffocate us both

As we conceal our histories

behind the silent smiles that we’ve begun to exchange.